LateForLife

Written By Peter Allen. Edited by Drew Schimmenti and Peter Allen.

The Evolution of John McCain

The John McCain who lost the nomination to George W. Bush eight years ago was a very different man. Not only was he respected for his experiences fighting for our country, but he was held high above his peers in mainstream politics for his time as a POW. His convictions toward his military service were unquestioned. Conservatives turned to him for advice, liberals admired his ability to see both sides of an argument, and the people of this country voted him into congress five times. He was notorious for sticking to his guns instead of subscribing to his party’s ideas, which gained got him praise from his people while ruffling the feathers of his fellow Republicans.

That was then…this is now. After realizing that honesty and integrity rarely get you a job (especially in conservative politics), McCain changed his platform and emerged in the early stages of the pre-election campaign as a full-fledged conservative, having been successfully run through the conservative ringer and been spit out the other end readily armed with the signature blank stare and cookie-cutter talking points employed by many of his Republican predecessors. McCain 2.0 is willing to play the numbers and play with the insecurities of this nation’s people. He has proven time and again that he has completely lost any connection to the majority of people he wishes to lead and represent, and instead, wants to be the next chapter of the longest-running inside joke in this country’s recent history: the Rich White Man’s Republican Party.

When Barack Obama was selected as the Democratic Party’s nominee for president over Hillary Clinton, the Republican Party saw an opportunity to capitalize on the momentum that Clinton had built up in her campaigns. Women everywhere, of every age, regardless of political affiliation, were starting to feel empowered by the idea of a female in office. Rather than select a more well-rounded candidate with more experience who had a recognizable name (like Mitt Romney, who was rumored to be McCain’s top choice until Hillary dropped out of the race), John McCain selected Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, after meeting her in person only once prior to his campaign (the Container Store holds three rounds of interviews to deem you worthy of making just over minimum wage).

The World is Introduced to Sarah Palin

In an interview with the New York Times, Mrs. Palin said that she entered the world of local politics because she “was concerned that revenue from a new sales tax would not be spent wisely”. Continue Reading »

Life has been hectic lately. I recently graduated from college and relocated to Washington, DC. I couldn’t have picked a worse time to do so, given the current economic situation, but that’s what I did.

Like many people in need of a job, a used bicycle, or a transexual lover, I turned to Craigslist. I spent hours each day browsing the job listings and writing cover letters to vague ads that promised competitive salaries. I had zero luck. Finally, I decided there was nowhere else to turn and I submitted my resume to a temp agency.

My first impression (and probably an accurate one) was that a temp agency is an overly energetic and deceptive environment, designed to convince you that you are not being exploited. I was greeted by countless people who claimed I would have no trouble finding work and that I was absolutely “qualified”. Having been around the bullshit block a few times, I guarded myself against any “to good to be true” offers (like that I time I thought I was working for an environmental agency – but was actually soliciting people for cash outside grocery stores).

Instead of loaded language and false promises, I was given work. I was working the day after my first interview at the agency. By the end of that first week I had earned a few hundred dollars, as well as, lined up a job interview for the following week. I nailed that interview, started a new temporary job, and yesterday was asked to go full time (for a Fortune 100 company). To summarize I landed a great job (with full benefits package) in three weeks, while earning roughly $1500.  Things could have been worse.

This is not a public service announcement for the temping industry, but if you are out of work and struggling during these hard times, it is an option I support. For me, temping removed much of the financial and personal strain I was putting on myself while trying to find work. It also allowed me to earn a paycheck while I was looking for a better job; a far better alternative than watching my savings and pride dwindle by the week.

I’m here to breathe some life into this corpse.

I had meant to write a post about how I had planned to take the summer off of writing, but by the time I got around to writing, it was already June.  A lot has changed in the past few months, but none for the bad.  My long time friend Peter Allen contacted me and told me he is going to take this site by storm; so.. welcome Peter!

I finally got around to graduating, and wouldn’t you know it, I’m already applying to go back to school.

Lastly, I apologize to anyone who has missed our articles, videos, etc, and will be more dedicated to the site in the coming months.
 

The following story was written by Russell Joyce and won Yavapai College’s People’s Choice Award: Prose in Creative Writing.

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The Descent

It was 7:15am.

Jim, a hapless middle-aged man, was flapping his arms. They were tiring fast. A few geese in the distance laughed wildly in his direction, claiming it was in remembrance of a joke they heard earlier. Jim thought for a moment. He did not buy the ruse. He flipped them the bird but it felt redundant. The cold air rush up his pant legs, leaving an uncertain thought in his brain; would this affect his ability to procreate? It was at this time his mind grasped the true nature of his situation.

He was falling towards the earth.

He was falling fast.

He realized that the arm flapping was of no help, and calmed down. Acting like a mad man in mid-air would save nobody, especially the most important person in Jim’s life, which was himself. This case of air-rage was understandable, but unnecessary. He decided to use his energy more efficiently.

Jim reached into his pockets looking for anything that may remedy his present situation. A stapler, a napkin, pens, pencils. All office supplies for work, and none of them were of any use. If Jim were home, he would now be slumping into the easy chair his father just bought for him. His relief chair, with its three massages settings? Setting one was for work woes. Setting two was for wife woes. Jim had now discovered a use for setting three. Woe is Jim.

Jim’s mind wandered back to the present. He realized this was the first time he had ever been subjected to a high altitude free fall. He traced his thoughts back a ways to try and figure out how he got himself into this predicament. He had expected his mornings to continue as they had for the last 12 years. That consisted of the concrete stoop, followed by a free fall into the heated seats of his Buick LeSabre. Jim loved his LeSabre and felt falling into the driver’s seat would be a more pleasant impact than what Jim was expecting to experience in what he presumed would be about three minutes. Jim thought the effects of an impact that would ‘leave a mark’ as he thought to himself, were not as enticing as the effects of smooth handling and warm butt cheeks. He would miss the LeSabre. He planned on naming his kid LeSabre, but the cold air upon his testicles with the help of the accelerated splat he would be experiencing in two minutes and fifty-five seconds would put a stop to that.

Jim began to remember all the talk of near death experiences. Most people said your life would flash before your eyes at the understanding that death was imminent. Jim was not experiencing that right now. In fact, Jim hoped that the memories of heated seats and massaging chairs was not his ‘whole life.’ He felt that he was very much in the now. He was thinking about making a phone call to, or maybe haunting, the manufacturer of his front door once he got to the afterlife. If there even was an afterlife. Jim felt the need to explain his displeasure with the door. A door, installed anywhere, should open to its intended destination without fail, always. This was something Jim truly believed in. This was a virtue. Continue Reading »

Friend: Gotta Save!

Drew: What?

Friend: I brought somebody back from cardiac arrest.

Drew: Great! You’re like a relief pitcher now.

This was a text dialog I had with a friend on Saturday. Initially I thought he was referring to baseball. I found his delivery unorthodox, but the event phenomenal. I was overcome with pride and envy simultaneously. I found myself trying to justify my own existence, and thinking about how little I had done that day. I didn’t save a life; I might not ever earn a save, much less be called out of the bullpen.

Do you ever wonder why you exist? Or, what the purpose of life is? Consider this and ask yourself why you freak out when someone steals your parking spot! How are emotions so important to us in our vast and inexplicable world? This was my chronological line of reasoning Sunday morning. I had my morning brew and wondered how I could feel anything but joy at my friend’s message.

First off, he wasn’t bragging, he was excited! Who wouldn’t be? That one moment might prove more influential than the total of my life’s experiences. I envied that moment; to restore life is a powerful ability. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins, not that I knew this before doing some research.  At any rate, it’s a miserable thing. First, it’s important to note the differences between envy and jealousy because they are often conflated. Here is my working definition of envy:

Envy is a propensity to view the well-being of others with distress, even though it does not detract from one’s own. [It is] a reluctance to see our own well-being overshadowed by another’s because the standard we use to see how well off we are is not the intrinsic worth of our own well-being but how it compares with that of others. [Envy] aims, at least in terms of one’s wishes, at destroying others’ good fortune. (Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals 6:459)

A detailed philosophical argument of envy and jealousy can be found at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Suffice it to say, envy involves two parties, while jealousy, involves three. Envy is a inferiority complex. For example, let’s say I’m envious of a famous male actor. I might feel inferior to his financial and professional success, and maybe his good looks. He has something I want and I perceive myself as inferior. My sense of self is relative to my view of this actor.  It will change depending on who I compare myself to.  That’s envy. Jealousy is a different problem.

Jealousy is a three party system: victim, rival, and their beloved object. Let’s again consider the talented and attractive male actor. In order to be jealous of him, he and I must share a mutual desire. Let’s imagine that it’s a woman. The actor (rival) wins her affection (the beloved) and I find myself jealous of him because he stands between me and my object of desire. Further, if I believe this occurred because he is an internationally recognized lady-killer… well then, I’m both envious and jealous at the same time! Yikes.

Now let’s tie this example with that of my friend and our working definition of envy. How does my friend’s accomplishment diminish my self-worth? According to Kant, we gauge our well-being against the well-being of others. Kant does not consider our evaluation of well-being to be intrinsic. This is a concept I argue is essential to the individual. I do not believe a cure for envy exists outside of introspective practice.   Our self-worth cannot depend on societal or social factors.  For example, a capitalist society would suggest a correlation between well-being and economic prowess.   The “haves” are the target of “have-not” envy, right? In reality, this is not unconditionally true. Think of the white collar person who dreams of starting a band.  Now think of the starving musician who longs for a stable and balanced lifestyle.  I’ve been both of these people!  Envy has led me toward each extreme.  I now spend my days searching for the middle ground.

My personal solution is two-fold: vigilance and practice.  I must be aware of my emotions, and not let them own me.  Moreover, I must not allow envy to plague my relationships.  Envy is a monster that does not discriminate.  It is rooted in the human tendency to compare well-being to our perceived notions of the well-being of others.  This is precarious behavior, void of benefit. Life is too short.

I wake up everyday with a question. It is a simple question but the most asked on the planet, and probably in outer space when those lucky astronauts or space tourists see that big blue marble floating in the most peculiar of places.

The question is why.

I ask it to myself every morning for multiple reasons. One reason being the usual assortment of strange dreams that seem to coalesce into my reality as I wake up, leaves me grasping for what I remember about life before I went to sleep, and the other reason is I can never answer it, and the only people who can are dead, and they can be a lot of trouble to get a hold of. It keeps me in check so I never get caught up in anything too deep, especially involving the big guy upstairs. Continue Reading »